Saturday, March 09, 2013

9:34 PM B+ :

I'm living with this blood flowing through my body. B+! And that's how I am living my life. Be Positive. Well, we can't change others mindset, habits or character. But you sure can change your own. I won't deny I have been upset these months. Depressed more like it to match what I feel. Now, I won't anymore. It consumes too much of my energy...to get angry and self pitying....attracting the negativities of the world..finally, I took that away...by thinking positive! Encouraging others to be the same. Positive is the key to happyness..no more pretense. No more shedding of tears..worthless...smile...there's so much to smile and laugh on! =) be positive...stay positive..

Mariah told her story ... 9:34 PM c",)

Sunday, March 03, 2013

7:47 PM It's me. A different me. :

Hello it's me again! Well didn't know that I'll ever have the chance to write again. Well for starters, 2012 has been a kind year for me. There are ups and downs hinder binder but no biggy. Life still goes on. It's daunts to me that love is not everything. When i try to prove the fact that money isn't everything, life just slaps cross my face to prove me otherwise. This is a sad world unfortunately. The rich is getting richer, abusing authority well not for some. There are some good people around no doubt. This world is filled with lots of anger. The poor has been slogging their whole lives to make sure their lives and their family's life have been tend to. Their daily needs, to keep themselves alive. The poor had to resort to crimes when things are getting unaffordable or worst they had to channel their angers towards the society to make themselves heard. Their voices are drowning. Money is everything and is the root to all things in the world. Without money, you can't treat the sick, without money, you can't lay food on the table, without money you can't make others happy. It's really depressing. All your lives, you put others before you. You want to make them happy. But ask yourself, are you happy? Just when you thought, life is going good for you. Finally someone loves you for you, your heart gets broken when those are just plain words. Ended up it's too good to be true. God is playing a joke on me. But this time, it's not funny. A joke that i cannot laugh at. It really hurts. But you can't cry. You can't shed tears. People depend on you for strength. You have draw out strength from within to keep yourself sane. Life is just this once. So many lessons learnt. And still continuing to learn. People can be new only for a day. They may excite you, scare you a little but time goes by, they are just like any people you know. When finally i know what i want to do in my life, you had to give me this such a test! Life goes on. We cry, we move on. That's the way it is. Then tomorrow another day to smile to.....mylifestory. Cimaxisonitsway!

Mariah told her story ... 7:47 PM c",)

Sunday, February 12, 2012

5:02 AM History repeating itself :

I can't blame anyone else for this mess i am in.
In the first place I've created by not keeping my words of not trusting people.
I let down my guard all too quickly just because someone's being nice.
There's a difference between helping and poking nose in other's affairs.
I have clearly stated the space I need.
How is it I have no right to get angry?
Why don't I have the right to be sad?
I come with a past that I learnt from.
It is wrong? God, why do you have to put me through this once more.
Is it because I don't learn the previous round, you want me to make it right now.
What is it! You didn't even tell me!
Why being nice is so tough? Why God! Why evil triumphs all the time? Is it because you want to turn me evil?
So tired to go through this emotions roller coaster. I'm trying to embrace life, but why this again! Why? Why? Why?

Mariah told her story ... 5:02 AM c",)

Friday, August 07, 2009

7:16 AM she's at rest :

grandma had been ill for as long as i can remember. but i was so glad that at least we got the chance to have her to stay in our house just like grandpa. memories collected when we were together. what can i say i felt the sense of guilt as i had kept unhappiness and anger when she spoke the opposite of what we did for her like we didn't feed her and etc. that's just a behaviour an elderly would do. i really held to personal to that. when i saw her cold body lying on the bed, in my heart i apologized to her. may she rest in peace. every eyes we're in contact were reddish due to crying. grandma, i held on too much unhappiness against you but i want you to know that i forgot what were the reasons that made me feel that way. please send grandpa our love will you. we love you both and without both of you, my mum will not be my mum.though she may not be the perfect one but she's our mum. and i love her imperfections. thank you Allah, thank you for my grandparents, thank you for my parents and thank you for my siblings. i have always wish for a perfect family but you gave me an perfect imperfect family. (",) bless them all. though i don't know the reason why our family bonding with relatives are the way it is but due bless them too. i wish nothing bad for anyone. noone deserve to be treated badly though people do treat other people bad but all i can say its the lessons of LIFE. grandma, finally you're at rest with grandpa but do bless us from where you are.

Mariah told her story ... 7:16 AM c",)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

4:12 AM What hurts the most... :

Well comes to think of it, i have more negative posts than positive ones. I think this is the only source I can depend on. Had been really depressed this few days..work piling up, assignments due, group projects increasing, rushing from work to school..how much can i tolerate this..so tired seriously..am i 22 or 52? I feel my body and legs are aching all over, my head's getting really heavy.. I just want to break away from all this and enjoy life..I don't know I guess this the other side of me talking..it's driving me insane..recently my heart aches when I just spoke my hearts out to my dear mum..well i shall say wrong person to pour your heart and soul too i supposed..it made me really mad and heart got heavier talking to her..now i learnt my lesson, keeping mums the word..I don't feel like doing anything..I just want to have a long sleep or even don't want to wake up at all..

Mariah told her story ... 4:12 AM c",)

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

6:58 AM Should i keep my heart open? :

after one D comes another D guy in my life now. He sounds really nice and sincere person. Well what I have in mind about the previous Mr D turned out to be true but wasn't meant to be. How about this one? Am I going to be ready to have my heart broken again? I know that when comes to the matter of heart, you have to prepared to either be heartbroken or complete. I'm not certain with myself. Am i ready?
Manz why must this be so complicated. Mariah!!!

Mariah told her story ... 6:58 AM c",)

6:45 AM the truth's out yet i'm not informed.. :

long awaited result of the content of the water bottle is out and waited for days for someone to get back to me. the three people involved in making my days in the low side avoided me. my gosh when i have the courage to stand up to them and yet this happened. i'm so disappointed in myself and the people involved. poonam was nice to help me ask the grandma on the outcome of the water bottle and true enough its vitamin c belonged to his uncle. i'm so very disappointed. grandpa came down and made a big issue yet he has no courteousy on coming down to explain or apologize. such an ego. god thank you for giving me the strength to go on during my darkest days. hopefully i'm up for whatever is coming my way...

Mariah told her story ... 6:45 AM c",)