Sunday, April 30, 2006

9:52 PM Gotta start over.... :

Well...i've been really down these few months that i guess i am thankful for it..i know it sounds crazy but..it had made me a stronger person now..it gave me gain more experience as if i ever walked out into a new environment, i'll know what to expect..maybe i can't totally know what to expect but maybe it'll give me a rough idea as in what i'll face...and what steps to take to prevent it..i'm gonna change this very blog into what i've experienced and what i've studied through the days...i'm sincerely thankful that i found a right place to experience love,care,passion,hatred,
anger...everything..the kids taught me how to care and love...i've also learnt that you can't fully trust people...whatever you hear,it may be true but you just gotta keep your lips sealed...getting
angry about it and thinking of it for long would only tire oneself...i swear i'm not gotta let myself drown in sorrows ever...stress?well i'll have that each day but gotta keep it steady or i'll blow...hope i control that....hopefully...thats all for now..gotta go now...

Mariah told her story ... 9:52 PM c",)

Sunday, April 23, 2006

5:50 PM Afraid that i'll lose it.. :

these few months had been really rough and tough for me..which every day would ever post a happy one..none..i've felt so down these months that i'm afraid i'll lose it soon..but now it's showing..it's so hard to control my temper now..felt like screaming out loud..hitting things,venting all my anger out..and express my sadness but i can't...not allowed to..i can't other ways to channel those anger to..i'm at work for goodness sake..vent to marking papers?where i'll vomit even more blood? drawing?making me more stress that i'll turn out to imperfect?listening to music?which is even worst..make me think even more...pray that everything will turn out alright..please god...

Mariah told her story ... 5:50 PM c",)

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

7:49 AM Just wanna break free! :

I'm completely driven insane now! Freaking tired...hearing the same bullshit each day! I'm all stressed out with the students now additional a parrot who can't shut her piehole up! She driving me up the ceilings soon! or maybe sooner than i know..a new teacher joined us for a few days and wanted to give up,quit,she barely experience anything yet..god please help me!
I fought hard for this job that now i'm saying the word that i hate most...'i regret'...i wanted so much to achieve my dreams, but while reaching for this dream..makes me lose lotsa things!and over there at work,i'm living in hell...but when i see the kids i tend to forget that i am in hell...they may be devils but they are sweet devils..haha..love the lots!i've gotta face the same thing again...so tired,just drank the cough mixture..sleepy now...haiz..hope when i wake up,i see a fairyland..ya rite..in y dreams!

Mariah told her story ... 7:49 AM c",)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

4:33 PM A start of the day... :

hmmz wonder whats happening in the few hours time..all i know its that i'll be repeating the same thing all over again..eventhough i plan to do something different but it'll always go back to square one again...so i guess planning don't work..just go with the flow..well my student is here..gotta stop here now...

Mariah told her story ... 4:33 PM c",)

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

8:02 AM inspired by shows and stories... :

I'll seen and heard lotsa stories that boost up myself..challenges they faced in their lives and how it turns to a beautiful happy ending..i pray and hope that my life turns out like that..don't wanna end up saying this phrase..."history is repeating itself"..i know i gotta leave it to faith too..but don't you believe that you are a ruler of your own destiny? I believe i am and i'm gonna bring that faith along till i reach to where i dreamt being...this show i've watched the Perfect Man..i like the this guy's character alot! Adam Ink,the name of the character...a guy who loves drawing comics...and who is willing to let Holly,which was potrayed by Hilary Duff,know that he is there for her and she don't have to fear about anything...i dream of that type of guy..but haha..in my dreams...that story taught me that everyone is scared but it's never a reason to run away..and that you must open up and let new people into your life...yeah and the next question is how do you know if that person is good or bad or even scarier than that...but what matters most is, be yourself..you can't satisfy everyone but if just being humble and kind to people who's not worth it, it's just another lesson being taught...life may be weird at times..but it sure do is an adventure..(",)...I'll learnt to stronger now...and gotta continue that way...well i gotta turn in now..darn sleepy..*yawns*

Mariah told her story ... 8:02 AM c",)

Sunday, April 02, 2006

6:31 PM found a right person to turn to.. :

And that would be my mum of course..though what she said made me kinda mad but what she said do make sense..so i took the advice and it works..i felt better..my mum said that when in an argument or misunderstanding, it is best not to have a third person..it'll make things even worst..even though you found out that someone have been saying nasty things about you..it won't even hurt coz you know you've never done those things..apologising is not an act of weakness but a strength to know that you have to somehow forgive and forget and move on with our lives..holding on to grudges and making enemies would just make things unhappy for yourself..and really tire yourself to the extreme end..its tough when i stepped into this working world..but i managed to survive for a year..and will continue to do so till i've earned enough to continue to take my dream desired course...i've experience different kind of setbacks and i know there's more to come but i just gotta pull myself together and i know i can do it coz i believe in myself..and obviously i still won't bare to leave my lil' cute students yet..well thats all for today..

Mariah told her story ... 6:31 PM c",)

12:13 AM It's a clear pic now... :

I shall say that the past week had been a revealing of truth week..it was real tough..gotta face work when my heart and mind felt so heavy..feeling as though sadness controls my whole self..
had made my bads for lotsa things..now i know what it meant by appearance could be deceiving and seeing is believing...sometimes hearing things are not facts..i've said once that i was afraid of whole lotsa thing in this brand new year 2006...and my fears are here...but how are we gonna know who's pretending to nice?or who's the real nice person?it's just unpredictable...
Lotsa lessons learnt through this experience of mine...you can't judge someone just by the way they dress or the way the speak..and everything has a double side..a good side and the bad..but i hope everything gonna just fine...*cross fingers*...and here's just the starting..and i know there's lots more for me to deal with...jiayou to myself!



Mariah told her story ... 12:13 AM c",)