Tuesday, April 17, 2007
6:15 AM
Dealing with fear.....
:
Fear is a demon within ourselves. It can never vanish if we don't battle it ourselves. This year, I'm battling with my own fears. Gosh 'fear(s)'...with the (s) added to the word 'fear'. Fear of not achieving what I want in life, fear that the family that I love most will not be a whole anymore, fear of losing more of my love ones, fear of not having a life that I've wanted it to be, fear of not being good enough to be an educator for the young ones,fear of hurting the people I love most, fear of not being a good sister,daughter or friend, fear of discovering that I've a certain kind of illness...I really fear so much...But if don't get it of these demonic thoughts, it'll kill me even slower and even much more pain caused not only to myself but to the people around me. Adding more thoughts to their mind, wondering what's in my stupid mind. I've faced the harsh side of reality which I really wish I could just get out from it as though it's just one of my nightmares. I hate my boss so damn much to a really high extend.I know hating someone is not right God but you've seen and heard whatever she's done and spoken. It's really nasty God. I won't ask You why you put me in this kind of situation or hate You for what is happening to me right now. In actual fact though I do wish my life to be a complete reverse of now. But, I would never ever trade my life now to anything else in this world. The family that I have now is wonderful. I know You've something install for our family. Whatever happens, I thank You deeply for this gift of my beautiful and wonderful family. I only ask for one thing, please let me be in this family again in my next life. The times I spend now, though it's tough but the moments that we share talking, sharing,hearing past stories especially from my grandma, it's really a comfort to me in a way. Though I don't have any cousins to gossip to, friends to hang out with day and night, but further down the road, I believe I'll bump into one. All I can do is Believe! In YOU, in me and in everyone.
Mariah told
her story ...
6:15 AM c",)
6:01 AM
Dream Course!
:
In life, nothing comes easy. As for me, I've finally got my dream course but..I've always hated this word 'but'..whenever you feel like saying a certain thing, this word will always appear in one of the sentences. As I was saying, finally got my dream course but met a friend whom I've wanted to long forget. I've promised myself to let go of all my hatred and grudges against anyone. God really wants to see how strong I can be. I don't like to pretend as though I've never met her my life, the way she potrayed herself, I'll take it that way then. A new clean sheet of white paper, no writings, no stains. I've never in my life met this person. Sometimes comes to think of it, the reason I took that course is for myself. The course that I longed for. No one should ever make me feel inferior of myself. Yup! I should not have all these nonsensical thoughts! I've said that I've embraced my future so I should just look ahead, no more turning back to the past. No No No..should not! Only happy memories should be remembered always! What I fear most is that I'm not strong enough to carry on with my tight schedule now. Let's see how it goes..........
Mariah told
her story ...
6:01 AM c",)